Latest jokes

1. Biwi: “Aap ne pichle saal meri birthday pe mujhe lohay ka bed banwa ke diya tha,
Iss dafa aapka kya iraada hai?”
Shohar: “Iss saal uss mein current chorne ka iraada hai.”
2.Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari:
Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary:
Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika:
Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!
3. Pathan at Kaun Banega Crorepati…..
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line “Phone a friend.”
Kisko call karengy?
Pathan: Apne baap dilawar ko!

4. Murgha Boyfriend
Ek ladka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye
(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky ne socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera
number iss ne kis naam se save kya hai?
Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha “Murgha No.5? Calling”.
5. Jaan yah Naan
Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha
tha ki, “Hey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!”

Words of Wisdom

There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it.
-x-x-x-x-
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks..
To be as rich as his child believes..
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
-x-x-x-x-
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver & wife the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver manages with other kidney.
-x-x-x-x-
'Next Generation' Motto:
"Na hum shaadi karenge,
na apne bachchon ko karne denge."
-x-x-x-x-
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like a girlfriend, that comes with an expiry date and
Daru is like a wife, 'Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi...'
-x-x-x-x-
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband
ke hisse mein aate hain aur wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai...
-x-x-x-x-
The Japanese have produced a camera that has
such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture
of a woman with her mouth shut!



******************
Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A. Moti-vating!!!
Q. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE?
A . Ek Bigadti hai to 'BANDH ' ho jati hai, Doosri Bigadti hai to 'SHUROO' ho jati hai.

Q. Doctor : Aap ka aur aapki biwi ka BLOOD GROUP ek hi hai.
A. Man : Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.
Q. What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE ?
A. In both cases you feel 'aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta.'
Q. Ek admi ne sadhu se kaha, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upaaye bataiye.
A. Sadhu bola, Upaaye hota to main sadhu kyoon banta?

Problems With My New Computer

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I
find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4... There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My husband lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'
button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not
provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.



If anyone can solve my problems then please leave some lines......

Jokes For MY friends

1. who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
..........sita with raven

2. what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
.Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya

3. n elephant falls in luv wid n ant.but Ant’s parents r against their marrige…guess y??
they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k dant bahar hai**

4. Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened.
He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked", his wife
said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers, that did not know about the nail!
Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than
me".

5. what is the cube of 13?
Its : SUROOR
wandaring how?
thats bcoz....
TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR

6. A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it
& said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.

7. SARDAR- yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai, kya dun ?
2ND- Gold ring de de
1ST- koi badi cheez bata
2ND - M.R.F ka tyre de de

8. lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

9. Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where
families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators!

10. Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh
Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more
Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee
Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.
Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.
Q. Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.
Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.
Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.
Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.

11. Intelligent Sardar
Once this guy visits his Sardarji friend he notices that his wall clock is not working and it looks beyond
repairs.
Dost: Tu naya ghadi kyun nahin le leta?
Sardar: kyun? ye abhi bhi kaam aata hai
Dos : Kaise?
Sardar: Yaar.... din mein do baar to sahi time dikhata hai!

12. Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaari gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

13. Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!

14. Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya that...
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

15. Why Don't Dogs Marry?
coz already Woh to pehle hi kutte ki jindagi ji rahe hote hain..